Sunday, February 10, 2008


Risa posted a poem of mine on her blog out on the Left Coast. ;)

I was both childishly delighted and humbled to read how she regards me as her lately discovered sister. Interestingly, I felt the same thing as she, but was having difficulty expressing it.

I had a half-sister growing up. We saw each other too seldom to develop much of a bond. I have no clue how she perceived me. I saw her as my father's princess and favored child - his "real" daughter, as it were. No, I wasn't a bastard, but I was one of those children of divorce from the 40's who felt fractured and "partial" most of their lives. Unworthy. I attribute all the achievements of my life to my feelings of unworthiness. Somehow I needed to make myself appear worthy, I needed to be worthy. Thus the BS, the MS, the PhD. My father did not live to see me graduate with my PhD. Neither did my mother, my grandmother, my stepmother, my mother-in-law or father-in-law. Only my husband and children. Maybe that's all who really mattered. I don't know. I do know that ceremony felt a bit "hollow" without any of my parents or in-laws there to see my achievement. It had been a long time coming, and I felt a bit bereft that the members of the generation previous most close to me weren't there to share it with me.

Then, a few months ago, someone came into my life through my husband, who has become a sister and more. Oh we are different! We have totally different "takes" on religion. She is Quaker, and I am an Orthodox Christian. She is a Liberal. I am a Conservative. She is an Environmentalist. I'm not. She's an activist. I'm not. But we share so much. A love of good food, of good bread, in particular. A love of books - the sensual feel of good bindings, the joy of reading - and many of the same authors! A love of the motion picture art - many of the same and many different. She is shy-er than I am. I'm afraid I galumphed into her life with all the overwhelmingly unbridled enthusiasm of a Labrador Retriever. Kinda bowled her over and refused to give her time to decide if she liked or disliked me - she HAD to like me! I do that from time to time. Because there is that "something" that is between us, that we recognized immediately both from our correspondence and from our blogging. Risa blogs intensively as she is a writer, a poet and a librarian. I blog desultorily (as any reader of my blogs knows). But we know each other jointly through the Ol' Curmudgeon. They were friends as children, almost a different lifetime ago.

Now, I find that I didn't knock her over with my [figuratively] wagging tail! And she has become the sister I have always wanted.

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